Archives: Stephanie Blessing

Timing Is Everything

Stephanie Blessing 10.25.2011 5:47 PM

My Father's Daughter

Karen posted a link here to go to Anderson Cooper’s clip about babies being sold to the highest bidder. I watched that video this morning, and wondered about the outrage that these people in the clip showed.

I didn’t wonder about their outrage because I thought they were over-reacting.

I wondered about it because when you get down to it, there’s only one thing that differentiates this situation from a typical surrogacy situation – the time line.

In a typical situation, the intended parents pick out the egg, pick out the sperm, and pick out the woman who will carry the baby, then the woman gets pregnant, has the baby, and everyone is happy.

In this case, the intended parents come in at the end.

So it’s a matter of timing.

I do think that this is a terrible situation, but aside from the fact that this is illegal while it’s perfectly legal to rearrange the order of events, why are people getting their panties in a wad? If any of them thought this through logically, they would see that their anger and disgust should be directed at the entire industry that profits from the commodification of people, no matter when the intended parents come into the picture.

Come on, people, don’t let a timeline dictate how you see what is right and wrong!


Posted in General | 16 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Giving Away The Farm

Stephanie Blessing 08.10.2011 5:45 PM

My Father's Daughter

Once the papers were filed the court, Erickson would then add the names of the parents who had purchased the child.

What do you think of that word purchased?

I went to the store this morning because we were low on lunch meat. I purchased lunch meat. I have purchased a couple of vehicles, clothing, pencils, furniture, and this computer that I’m typing on, to name a few.

But purchasing a child? Do people still do that these days in civilized societies?

Sadly, I think the word is accurate.


Posted in Reproductive Technologies | 9 Comments (Comments are Closed)

My Father’s House

Stephanie Blessing 03.29.2011 9:28 PM

My Father's Daughter

Now that it’s been a couple of weeks since I discovered that my bio-father is Jewish, things are starting to sink in. For almost two years now, I’ve wondered what my life would have been like if I had grown up with both of my biological parents. But now, a new dimension has been added to the sparse information that I know about him, and it’s got the wheels in my mind going again.

What would my life be like if I had been raised as a Jew? Yes, I know that my mother isn’t Jewish, however I’m assuming that both of my bio-parents would have raised me…play along with me…she could have converted. I would have been raised in a Jewish doctor’s home, instead of a somewhat Christian I-can’t-remember-what-my-Dad-did-but-it-had-to-do-with-computers-at-a-bank kind of home.

I was a bright child and did well the first few years in school, but then discovered how much fun reading books was and so ditched school work, and barely managed to graduate from high school, even though I know that I could have made straight A’s if I had tried.

If I had been raised with in my father’s home, would I have gone to a private school? Would I have been made to discipline myself with school work instead of just reading books? Would I have had a new car at 16 instead of a hand-me-down Subaru? Would I have developed a taste for alcohol and gotten into way more trouble than I did? Would I have gone to a prestigious college and be well into my career? Would I have met my husband and had five children or would my career take precedence over my personal life?

Where would I be in life if I had been raised with both of my biological parents?

I don’t know, but aside from just wondering, because that’s what we humans do, I truly am thankful for my life, though I do wish I’d tried harder in school and hadn’t read so much Stephen King.  I’m thankful for this life because this is the one that God gave me.  I don’t understand why He allowed me to be born into this…alternate existence, rather than the existence that most people are born into when they are raised by both genetic parents.  I feel the tension between wondering about that other life and the life I was given, and I know that it means questioning God’s sovereignty in my life.  I don’t think God made a mistake by any means; somehow His Will is being accomplished in me, even though I hardly think that donor conception is a godly way to create a baby.  But I digress.

Like Amy’s “What If Monster” it would be so easy to fall into the abyss of what might have been. I’m sure that I’ll get over these thoughts soon.


Posted in Fatherhood, General, Reproductive Technologies | 3 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Finding Family

Stephanie Blessing 03.15.2011 6:03 PM

My Father's Daughter

I’ve done two DNA tests in the last few months. The first was with my mother; in the future, if I am able to have a test with someone (siblingship test or paternity test) it seems to be helpful to have the mother’s DNA, if possible.

The second one I did is called Family Finder. Family Tree DNA does this test (and other DNA tests) and takes the results and enters them into their data bank to check against other participants. I am still learning about this site and what all it offers, but I’ve gotta tell you that I’m really impressed with it. I’ve gotten 160+ matches and the list is growing. I haven’t found anyone closer than a 3rd cousin yet, but I’m very hopeful.

Throughout this crazy journey of being donor conceived, God has sent several people to help me with whatever it was that I needed at the time; emotional support, a direction to look, ideas on looking, financial gifts to pay for DNA tests, etc. The people that I’ve met have been wonderful folks that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. I’m thankful to God for sending these people into my life.

The latest person is a man named Brian, whose father has shown up on my list of relatives as a distant cousin. Brian was able to read the proverbial writing on the Family Finder wall for me; my biological father is Jewish. I was both surprised and thrilled with this knowledge.

It feels so good to know something about this man who helped create me, but it is also wonderful to know this about myself; I have a history. I have a people. I was not raised Jewish, but I guess you could say that it’s in my blood.

Brian also did a little digging for me about my mother’s family, too, and I was surprised to find out interesting things about that line.

Even though this isn’t a commerical for FTDNA, it’s going to sound like it…if you are interested in genealogy, do this Family Finder test. If you want to find your biological family, this is a good place to start. If you just want to find people you share ancestors with, do this. I can’t recommend it enough, and I don’t even fully know everything that this site does yet! There are all kinds of cool tools that can be used to reconstruct a family tree.

So to Brian who helped me more than he knows, and to the one who made it possible for me to take this test, thank you.


Posted in Reproductive Technologies | 11 Comments (Comments are Closed)

More on Artificial Insemination

Stephanie Blessing 02.17.2011 3:38 PM

My Father's Daughter

The following two articles come from Bill Cordray, who is a donor conceived adult in the U.S. who has spoken and written about donor insemination issues for years. He posted this letter some months back to the PCVAI (people conceived via artificial insemination) yahoo group, which can be found here. The first article is from The Medical World, and the second article is an excerpt from a paper that Bill wrote for a class in Reproductive Issues in the Philosophy Department at the University of Utah. I am posting these two articles here, with Bill’s permission.

I thought it was important to post this letter in its entirety.

The Medical World, April 1909 pp. 163-164: Letter to the Editor
Artificial Impregnation

Editor Medical World:
It has been twenty-five years since Professor Pancoast performed the first artificial impregnation of a woman, in the Sansom Street hospital of Jefferson Medical College, in Philadelphia. At that time the procedure was so novel, so peculiar in its human ethics, that the six young men of the senior class who witnest [witnessed?] the operation were pledged to absolute secrecy. The circumstances of the case were about as follows: Read More


Posted in Reproductive Technologies | Comments are Closed

Mourning Grandparents

Stephanie Blessing 12.28.2010 11:35 PM

My Father's Daughter

My husband’s grandmother died today. For the last week, doctors and nurses have been saying phrases like, “any time now” and “within a day or so” and today they were right.

She was my husband’s last living grandparent; a sweet lady. The first time I met her, I could hardly understand a word she said. My husband warned me about this; French was her primary language, but it was a Cajun French since she was raised and lived in Louisiana all of her life, and her English was hard for me to understand. But she always had a smile on her face and a ready hug. She was a bigger woman, who was soft to hug, the way a grandmother should be. She was precious.

So on Christmas day, as I was preparing lunch, I was thinking about her and how it would be for my husband to have no more living grandparents. I thought about my own grandparents – my Dad’s dad died 10 years before I was born, and my mom’s dad died when I was 17. Both of my grandmothers are still alive, thankfully. As I was comparing my grandparent situation to my husband’s (I know; it’s morbid), I was suddenly angry, because my husband gets to mourn for his grandmother while I get to wonder about my own biological grandparents – a couple that I will probably never know, thanks to donor conception.

Mourning for a loved one is a privilege, a blessing – perhaps even a right for those left behind. It means that family and friends acknowledge the loved one’s life. I have no idea if my genetic grandparents are still alive. I figured that if my father was 22-26 when I was conceived, that would make him 56-60 now, which means that his parents are probably in their 80s. It’s entirely possible that they are still alive.

Mourning for my husband’s grandmother has allowed me to mourn for the loss of my own grandparents. Donor conception has not only taken my biological father out of my life, but my grandparents, too. And that’s incredibly sad to me.


Posted in Aging, Disability, Death, Dying, Faith and Families, Reproductive Technologies | 5 Comments (Comments are Closed)

A Social Network Christmas

Stephanie Blessing 12.22.2010 12:25 PM

My Father's Daughter


Posted in Faith and Families | 2 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Faith-based Arguments in Public

Stephanie Blessing 11.12.2010 10:53 PM

My Father's Daughter

Can I make a faith-based argument about donor conception in public?

The short answer is yes.

Over the last several decades, our country and the makeup of our culture have slowly begun to embrace a pluralistic worldview when it comes to life and the pursuit of happiness.  A plethora of worldviews are gaining influence and strength within the public square. Unfortunately, those who profess a strong conviction for tolerance of all kinds of people and ideas are actually becoming more and more intolerant of the segment of our nation that happens to view life and happiness from a ‘religious’ perspective.  From their view point, it seems that to engage in public debate, one does not need to bring up their ‘religion’ because ‘religion’ isn’t relevant or valid to today’s complicated social issues.

So to argue that one should not acknowledge their religion in public debate is to say that every point of view is valid except a religious POV.  Why?  Simply because someone doesn’t acknowledge the validity of a religious view over them doesn’t make the argument invalid. 

The long answer goes something like this: every time anyone argues a position on a given topic, it’s always a “faith-based” answer.  Your faith may not be the same faith as an organized religion; however everyone has some type of faith, including atheists.  An atheist has faith in his or her assessment that there is no God.  Basically faith is trust, so they are trusting in their own judgment/intellect/experience that what they believe is right.  So there is trust, even if the person is claiming to have no faith in any deity.

How do you interpret the world around you?  How do you determine what is right and what is wrong? Where do your ethics come from?  How do your ethics influence what you believe about a particular subject?  What is your worldview?  Do you have faith that your perception of the world is correct?

As a Christian, I believe Scripture, when it says that God created the heavens and the earth.  He determines what is right and wrong because of His character; He is always “right” and whatever is not right is sin; treason against God.  So my sense of right and wrong and my ethics come from who God is.  My view of who God is influences my POV on a given subject. 

If a person puts their faith/trust/belief in secularism or atheism or humanism, etc., then I think it’s fair to say that everyone has some kind of “faith” so therefore every argument is a “faith-based” argument.  Whether they may recognize it or not.


Posted in Faith and Families | 29 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Facebook and Family Reunions

Stephanie Blessing 10.02.2010 11:07 PM

My Father's Daughter

I read an article today about a woman who found her long-lost father on Facebook 25 years after they last saw each other.

Stephanie Brumlow, 25, spent 12 years looking for her father, whom she had never met. She made phone calls and searched the Internet for “James A. Boyd” countless times, to no avail.

Last Monday, a friend suggested she try to find him on Facebook. She was skeptical, but had five minutes to kill before class started at Lone Star College in Houston, Texas. She searched for the name, and friended one of the people that Facebook produced.

Twelve hours later, she had her first-ever communication with her dad, a Facebook message asking who her mother was. Three days after that, they had an emotional meeting at Lone Star College.

“It was amazing, like a childhood dream come true,” Brumlow told AOL News. “I really don’t think I would have found him any other way.”

Whenever I see articles like this one, I wonder what the situation was that separated the two in the first place, and my next thought is to wonder if it is an approach that I could use in my search for my biological father.

I’m happy for Stephanie and her father.  I hope that one day, I’ll be the “Stephanie” in the story.


Posted in General | 6 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Misconceived: Misconceptions About Donor Conception

Stephanie Blessing 09.19.2010 6:42 PM

My Father's Daughter

After finding out that my parents used a sperm donor to conceive me, the first place I went to on the Internet to find support was a bulletin board of moms that I frequented.  It didn’t occur to me to use Google to find other donor conceived people.  I just went to the sites I always went to.  I posted a message asking if anyone was conceived with a sperm donor.

My very first reply was from a lady whose sister had used a sperm donor, and the little girl was about 3.  This lady told me that I needed to write my parents a thank you note for raising me.  She was very hostile and rude about it.

I don’t think I was mad about it so much as I was hurt.  I needed someone to throw me a lifeline to pull me out of the depth of despair that was taking over my life, and she threw me a ton of bricks to sink me even deeper.

Since then, I’ve had a few responses that I assume were not well thought-out before they came out of the person’s mouth.  I’ve been told that sperm donation is like giving blood, and that it’s like adoption.  A couple of people have asked if I still think of my (social) dad as Dad. 

So I’d like to clear up a few* misconceived ideas about donor conception.  Read More


Posted in My Daddy's Name is Donor, Reproductive Technologies | 30 Comments (Comments are Closed)

A Word to Potential Donor Users

Stephanie Blessing 09.19.2010 1:14 AM

My Father's Daughter

If you are considering using a sperm donor or egg donor, please do a some research online – don’t just listen to what the clinics are saying.  There are so many blogs and websites written by donor conceived people who are articulate and passionate about getting the truth about what it’s like being donor conceived out to the public. 

Here are just a few:
Confessions of a Cryokid
Donated Generation
Child of a Stranger: Conception Through Anonymous Sperm Donation
TangledWebs UK
My Father’s Daughter (by yours truly)

Donor and donor conceived registries:
Donor Sibling Registry
Americans For Open Records

If you are a donor conceived person and are looking for a group of other DC folks, People Conceived Via Artificial Insemination is a good group to check out.

Don’t make a decision based on emotion or economics.  Know what you are getting into and what you are getting your potential child into.


Posted in Reproductive Technologies | Comments are Closed

No One Has To Die For You to Enjoy Your Inheritance Now

Stephanie Blessing 09.09.2010 12:14 AM

My Father's Daughter

Saturday night, we had gumbo for dinner.  I made a huge pot and we somehow managed to get two meals out of it, which is a lot, considering that I feed seven mouths per meal.  And when it’s gumbo, my kids can eat as much as any adult!  They love the Cajun cooking that I learned from my mother-in-law who has lived in Louisiana her whole life. 

A few years ago, she gave me two pots and a frying pan that belonged to her grandmother.  These are the only pots that I make gumbo in. The skillet is the only one I use when I make pork chops, rice, and gravy or anything else that must be browned to perfection.  My kids know that when they see one of those pots sitting on the stove, something good will be served for dinner.

As I was stirring the pot that night, I thought about all of the gumbos that have been cooked in it.  I’m sure that a hundred gumbos have been made in it, with a hundred more in its future.  I’ll pass them down to my daughters one day and tell them where the pots came from.  I love that these pots have a story to them.  I love that these pots remind me that I have received a wonderful inheritance from my husband’s great grandparents, even though I didn’t know them personally.

Then I thought about how I have no stories on my father’s side – I’ve missed out on knowing my biological father’s parents because he was an anonymous sperm donor. There are no “pots” to be passed down to me from them.

I read an article almost a year ago called My Scattered Grandchildren which talks about the grandparents’ point of view when their son or daughter donates gametes.  I had thought about my father’s parents and what I was missing by not knowing them.  What would it have been like to spend a week in the summer with them or visit them for Christmas?  Was my grandmother a baker who always fed her guests sweet treats and did my grandfather tinker on cars in his garage?  Read More


Posted in Faith and Families, Reproductive Technologies | 2 Comments (Comments are Closed)

The Only People Who Look Like Me Are My Children

Stephanie Blessing 08.29.2010 10:14 PM

My Father's Daughter

When my oldest was born, we marveled at how he looked just like my husband.  Then in the blink of an eye, he looked like me.  It was kinda strange to see him morph like that. 

When my second child was born, it was my husband all over again. 

My third child is my Mini-Me, and so is my fourth, only with cute little dimples.

Our last baby is mostly his daddy, but has my eyes.

Every time we have a baby, our family and friends ALWAYS comment that our children look just like us.  There is no doubt who their parents are.

Until recently, it didn’t occur to me that as I was growing up, I never heard someone say that I looked just like my mom or dad. 

Because I don’t. 

I don’t look anything like my mother, so I guess that leaves only one person I could look like.  And I would bet that he looks just like my oldest son.


Posted in Childbearing, Faith and Families, Reproductive Technologies | 7 Comments (Comments are Closed)

Who Is My Father?

Stephanie Blessing 08.28.2010 6:09 PM

My Father's Daughter

One of the first things that I was comforted with after discovering that I have both a Dad and a biological father was the fact that I do have a Father who isn’t anonymous and who hasn’t hidden Himself from me.  I struggle with not knowing this man who helped make me and the thought of going through life without at least knowing who he is seems like a heavy burden to carry, but knowing that I have a Dad who loves me and a Father in heaven who loves me helps make the burden lighter. Read More


Posted in Faith and Families, Reproductive Technologies | 7 Comments (Comments are Closed)

So Now I’m A DC Kid…

Stephanie Blessing 08.25.2010 1:44 PM

My Father's Daughter

Funny how God often throws you curve balls when you don’t even realize you are up to bat.

The Lord changed my life unexpectedly last May when I discovered at 32 years old that my parents used a sperm donor to conceive me. 

Though I wasn’t part of the survey, I find myself in the category of the 32% of donor conceived adults who identify themselves as Protestant according to MDND (pg. 69). Yet I’ve found no one else online who is talking about being donor conceived from a Christian perspective.  It was that frustration coupled with the desire to not waste my experience that prompted me to begin blogging.

The longer version of my story can be found here, but the gist of it is that my mother unexpectedly told me the secret about my conception when I asked her about my dad’s health issues.  She hadn’t planned on telling me that day, and I hadn’t planned on opening up Pandora’s Box. 

It was shocking and life-altering to learn that my sweet Dad wasn’t my flesh-and-blood father.  I truly did mourn the loss of what I thought was a full, unbroken relationship.  And then I began mourning the loss of the sperm donor – my biological father.  Even more than a year later, I still can’t believe that I have a “biological father.”

But it is what it is.  And God has been so kind to me…even in this.  And perhaps because of this, I’m seeing His kindness even more clearly.


Posted in Faith and Families, My Daddy's Name is Donor, Reproductive Technologies | 4 Comments (Comments are Closed)