Archives: Elizabeth Marquardt

‘Help America, Get Divorced’?

Elizabeth Marquardt 02.02.2012 10:37 PM

Matthew Yglesias’ piece in Slate, “Help America: Get Divorced! The coming boom in failed marriages and why it’s exactly what the economy needs,” is a perfect example of the short term thinking that creates far more messes than it resolves:

There are millions of “missing” households in America that can appear—through childbirth, divorce, or moving out—very suddenly if people get a bit more in their pockets. And each new household carries with it not just a home, but a wide array of appliances, furniture, and other durable goods. An income boost, in other words, could create a wave of household formation that drives nationwide incomes even higher.

Sure, America, get divorced and go shopping.  A divorced household means two refridgerators rather than one, and what could be better for the economy? Except that non-married adults don’t accumulate as much savings and assets over time, are less likely to own their home, have children who are more likely to struggle, and have fewer family caregiving arrangements to fall back on when health or finances get tough. Short term gain, long term pain. Perhaps there is another way.


Men Without Women

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.28.2012 5:08 PM

A study found that in polygamous cultures, levels of rape, kidnap, murder and robbery increase as the dissatsified men left on the shelf go on the rampage. Researchers from the University of British Columbia say that monogamous marriage has replaced polygamy because it has lower levels of inherent social problems…


How much do you want to pay to keep an old prisoner in jail?

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.27.2012 2:28 PM

NYT today:

The number of Americans in prison older than 55 is growing at a faster rate than the group’s share of the population at large, and many prisons are unprepared to provide them with health care, which can cost as much as nine times more than for younger inmates, Human Rights Watch said in a report released Friday.

The complications in handling the swelling number of aging prisoners range from making allowances for those with Alzheimer’s or dementia and finding sufficient ground-floor cells for inmates in wheelchairs to ensuring that older prisoners are not exploited or robbed by younger inmates.

While you’re at it, see Adam Gopnik’s essay on U.S. mass incarceration in this week’s New Yorker.


Just Released

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.26.2012 10:37 AM

My Daddy’s Name is Donor is now available as an ebook!


Children of Divorce: Broken Origins and the Question of Being

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.25.2012 7:44 PM

If you’re in Washington, be sure to go see Andrew Root talk about his excellent book, Children of Divorce: The Loss of Family as the Loss of Being, on February 6th.


Three Parent Reproduction

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.25.2012 7:40 PM

From the UK:

The controversial technique known as “three-parent IVF” came a step closer yesterday after the Department of Health asked the fertility regulator to conduct a public consultation into its acceptability.

For more, see One Parent or Five.


The multitude of family structures for persons raised by gay and lesbian parents: A challenge for researchers

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.25.2012 5:43 PM

Studying persons raised by gay or lesbian parents is such a challenge. There are not so many gay and lesbian persons to begin with, the sexual identity of the parents can be fluid, children raised by persons who have identified as gay or lesbian may have started life with parents who identified as heterosexual, and even in an intact gay or lesbian relationship the children will always have come, at least in part, from somewhere else: via adoption, reproductive technologies, or a previous heterosexual encounter, relationship, or marriage.

Which means finding, naming, and making sense of the experience of these young people is and will remain an enormous challenge, given that father or mother loss is inevitably a part of their story, with such losses happening through distinctive and sometimes multiple channels that may be having independent effects on children (adoption, donor conception, single parent childbearing, divorce) and oftentimes more than one of these experiences happening over time in the life of one child.

A recent paper in the Journal of Marriage and Family, “Marriage (In)equality: The Perspectives of Adolescents and Emerging Adults With Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Parents,” by Abbie E. Goldberg and Katherine A. Kuvalanka, illustrates the variety of experiences found in even a small sample of youth raised by a gay or lesbian parent:

Participants grew up in a variety of family situations. In 20 cases, participants had been born to two mothers via donor insemination and had a biological mother and a nonbiological mother. In 22 cases, participants had been born to heterosexual parents, one or both of whom later came out as LGB (in 13 cases, their mother; in eight cases, their father; in one case, both parents). Two participants were born to a single lesbian mother, one was born to a lesbian couple and a gay male couple who coparented, one was born to a bisexual mother and a gay father, one was adopted by two gay fathers at birth, one was adopted by two lesbian mothers at birth, and one was born to heterosexual parents but later adopted by a lesbian couple via the child welfare system.


Co-Parenting Pre-Conception Arrangements

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.25.2012 5:29 PM

I wrote about them here and here.

A FamilyScholars reader sends me two recent examples in the news, apparently spurred by yet another ridiculous new “family building” website:

…In comes co-parenting.  It’s a concept where unmarried adults who decide that marriage isn’t for them, or whose biological clock is winding down, decide they want to have a child, married or not.   Two mature adults can decide that they want to have a child, become loving parents, and never even live together.  …A start-up company has actually moved to capitalize on this concept.  Modamily, a New York based firm, has developed a social network for potential parents to find a mate without the pressure of relationships or marriage.  The site reminds me of Match.com, but with a completely different focus. You can even choose which method of conception you are open to (natural or artificial).

…Simply put, co-parenting is the practice of raising a child together without all the messy romantic stuff. Two adults, both hankering to be parents, join forces to have and raise a baby. But they don’t get married. And they don’t love each other, at least not like that. According to Modamily, a website for people looking to create co-parenting arrangements, co-parenting is, “the shared raising of a child between two loving, committed, and financially secure adults.” Modamily claims that the set-up helps to solve the problem of quickie-clock-ticker marriages and resulting divorces.

If you want to learn more about Modamily google them yourself.


Where is my family?

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.23.2012 12:04 AM

Tonight I was watching Anonymous Father’s Day. Fellow bloggers and readers, please watch it soon and share your thoughts here and tell your friends about it.

I have so many thoughts but one in particular I wanted to share, right now, was in reaction to Stephanie Blessing when she said that with anonymous conception you “don’t know where half your family is.”

That phrase leapt out at me. I have often heard donor conceived persons speak of the loss of not knowing who their father is, or not know who half of their family is. But Stephanie’s use of the word “where” struck me especially deeply. It made me think of the aftermath of wars and natural disasters when the Red Cross and international aid organizations arrive to help. I’m no disaster relief expert but my understanding is that after attending to the most subsistence level needs of the survivors — food, clean water, shelter, medical care — one of the immediate next steps is to help survivors reunite with their families. When a wave has swept away your town or rebels have set fire to your village and you find that, somehow, you are among the living, it appears as a human being one of your very next questions is… Where is my father? Where is my mother? Where is my husband, my wife, my sister, my brother, my child? Where is my family?

We are embodied social beings. Our bodies come from and connect to one another. We cannot feel soothed and settled until we know where our families are.


Dr. Oz on Childbearing after 40

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.21.2012 12:08 AM

Jennifer Lahl debated a fertility doctor, and FamilyScholars bloggers Alana S., Amy Ziettlow, and I were there. The episode airs Friday, January 27th. Check local listings for times (and the producer tells us that if the show airs twice daily in your area then the new episode will be the second one).


Open Marriage?

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.21.2012 12:02 AM

Apparently there is Room for Debate.

Check out the NYT for a forum on the topic, featuring some familiar voices including FamilyScholars blogger Brad Wilcox.

And for my own two cents on poly arrangements and children, see One Parent or Five.


Anonymous Father’s Day

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.20.2012 11:50 PM

A powerful new documentary by Jennifer Lahl and the team that made Eggsploitation. The new documentary features interviews with many voices familiar to readers here at FamilyScholars, including Alana S., Stephanie Blessing, and me.

Are you in the NYC area? Go see it on January 29th at the Soho Digital Art Gallery. Screening times and information here. More screenings to follow at the same location that week, and more to come around the country.

You can also order the DVD.

Congratulations, Jennifer!


Public Marriage Preparation in France

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.19.2012 1:53 PM

An article in Le Figaro (which I stumble through only with the help of Google translator) on a new initiative and outreach to mayors from the secretary of state for families in France:

Claude Greff will meet January 25 the President of the Association of Mayors of
France to present the news. The “preparation kit to civil marriage” will be tested in cities volunteers before being distributed to the municipalities upon request. “Many mayors have expressed their interest,” promised Secretary of State.

The original article in French.


‘Caring for Elderly Parents’

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.19.2012 11:15 AM

A terrific letter to the NYT editor today by Carol Levine of the Families and Health Care Project at the United Hospital Fund.

Hendrik Hartog’s Jan. 15 Sunday Review article, “Bargaining for a Child’s Love,” is a welcome corrective to the view that in earlier times families took care of their ill and aging members without expecting anything in return and without complaint. But Mr. Hartog himself has a too-rosy view of the current situation.

He says that today middle-class family members don’t do the work of “cleaning bedsheets, helping a parent into a bathtub, changing a diaper.” In fact, according to the 2009 National Alliance for Caregiving national survey, this is exactly what at least 21 percent of the country’s 48 million caregivers do, as well as managing complex medications, arranging transportation, financial and legal affairs, and countless other tasks.

Most insurance, including Medicare, does not pay for this “custodial” care. Only Medicaid offers some support of this kind, and private pay is extremely expensive. Moreover, families still fight over inheritances, whether they are large or small, tangible or sentimental. Human nature has not changed.

CAROL LEVINE
Director, Families and Health Care Project
United Hospital Fund
New York, Jan. 16, 2012


Bodies

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.16.2012 5:09 PM

At this post we’re debating — feminists, gay fathers, donor conceived persons, and more — surrogacy. Check out the comments.


The Other Side of the Debate

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.16.2012 4:34 PM

I’ve felt for quite some time that donor conceived persons should be leaders in the reproductive technology debates and in the family debates more broadly.

Kudos to the UK-based BioNews for providing two separate reviews today of a new book, Precious Babies, on fertility technologies, with one of them by a donor conceived person, Rachel Pepa.

As an informal guide to having children after fertility problems, Precious Babies has much to recommend it. There is, however, an omission which, as a donor conceived (DC) person, I found particularly troublesome – the book is entirely devoid of DC voices.

Quotes from parents and ‘experts’ are scattered throughout but the words of DC people are nowhere to be found. This lack of representation is even reflected in the title, with its emphasis squarely on babies.

Babies cannot speak. They rely on their parents to make decisions for them. However, early infancy is only a fraction of our lives. Babies will grow to become adults with their own independent thoughts and feelings about the method of their conception.

Many DC people are fed up of forever being seen as children; it is patronising and disempowering. The author shows a belated willingness to include the viewpoints of people conceived by assisted conception – towards the end of the book there are interviews with seven young people conceived via IVF – but this only makes the lack of dialogue with DC people all the more apparent.

The section of Precious Babies that concerns DC people – the chapter on donor families – is irrepressibly upbeat. Donor families are, we are told, closer than most other families. There are DC adults who are angry and find the method of their conception difficult to accept, but that is because they found out about their origins, often by accident, later in life. The author is clearly keen to present a positive picture of life after donor conception but her argument is disingenuous – the academic literature actually suggests a far more complex reality. more


The Dream

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.16.2012 12:06 PM

On this most auspicious of federal holidays, the day every year when I tear up watching old footage of the great man, the Fredricksburg (Virginia) Free-Lance Star editors have written a powerful piece, citing in part my colleague and director of our Center for Thrift and Generosity Barbara Dafoe Whitehead:

THE Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. told the truth, and when he did it ruffled feathers and stirred up trouble. In the 44 years since his death by assassination, nothing much has changed.

The truth is like a mirror, and the reflection–injustice, racism, oppression, pain, dysfunction–produces discomfort long before it becomes a catalyst for change. King paid the ultimate price for speaking truth, losing his life at the peak of his influence. Others also have reaped disdain or scorn for their attempts to reflect reality. Witness the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan, who, as assistant secretary of labor in the Kennedy administration, saw that welfare policies that contributed to the breakdown of the black family were counterproductive. He was called a reactionary by Great Society loyalists, but he was right.

So was Vice President Dan Quayle, who, in 1992, condemned television’s “Murphy Brown” for exalting unwed motherhood. Social historian Barbara Defoe Whitehead, in an award-winning article in The Atlantic Monthly the next year, statistically proved that “Dan Quayle was right,” that “children in families disrupted by divorce and out-of-wedlock birth do worse than children in intact families on several measures of well-being.”

In 1964, when the War on Poverty began, 6.8 percent of births were out of wedlock. Today, that number is 40 percent. Among blacks it is a tragic 72.3 percent. And what’s ahead for children born to single moms? They are five times as likely to be poor, and much more apt to have emotional and behavioral problems, drop out of school, smoke, drink, use drugs, and experience unwed and/or teen pregnancy themselves. The cycle of pain and poverty continues unless some group or government or family or group of families initiates a change–a change that begins with a reality check. more


‘Reclaiming Dignity in a Culture of Commodification’

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.14.2012 9:34 PM

…is the topic of the next conference at the Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity. FamilyScholars blogger Stephanie Blessing and I presented at their conference last summer. Check it out.

Human dignity, once a cornerstone for bioethics, is increasingly obscured by a contemporary culture of commodification. Myopic fixation on sexuality, fertility, and reproduction reduces the female body to a resource for medical exploitation and reproductive tourism. Procreation is being engulfed by the reproductive imperative and the child of choice. Without neglecting the ongoing emphases on beginning- and end-of-life issues, our task must include attention to prenatal discrimination, the neglect of the girl child, worldwide disparities in women’s healthcare and maternal mortality, and the objectification and exploitation of the female body. Responsible Christian bioethics embraces her dignity as essential to her community and foundational to our common humanity. Join us as we explore important ethical considerations surrounding developments in reproductive practices and global women’s health through the lens of reclaiming dignity in a culture of commodification.


Where have the girls gone?

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.13.2012 11:00 AM

On the one hand, I try not to engage the topic of abortion at this site, but on the other hand, demographer Nicholas Eberstadt’s newest data heavy and powerful article, “The Global War Against Baby Girls,” in The New Atlantis cannot be missed.

Sex-selective abortion is by now so widespread and so frequent that it has come to distort the population composition of the entire human species: this new and medicalized war against baby girls is indeed truly global in scale and scope.


‘Why are we still dissing only children?’

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.12.2012 1:42 PM

Writes Mary Elizabeth Williams at Salon:

It’s especially galling to hear the contempt for onlies – that vaguely snide attitude that the real selfishness is on the part of the parents – coming as it does within a culture in which the subjects of infertility, pregnancy loss, deferred child rearing, and divorce are the stuff of idle playground chatter. If a child you know has no siblings, chances are you know the reasons why. It’s rarely because the parents are such big jerks. But whether it’s by the hand of fate or conscious decision, who’s to knock another’s choices, anyway? Why be a self-appointed Goldilocks of family size, bloviating that one is pathetic, five is pushing it, but two or three is juuuuust right?