Archives: July 2010

Elin and Alana

Alana S. 07.31.2010 1:53 PM

Apologies: The download link wasn’t working for my interview with one of my best friends and bandmates, Elin Ey (a lezzzzzbian!).

It should be working fine now.

Here is the old post.

And here is a direct link to download the audio.

And here is a link to Elin’s music.


‘Sperm bank ban in Turkey sparks debate’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.30.2010 10:51 PM

From Hürriyet Daily News, Turkey’s daily English language newspaper:

A recent ban on Turkish women becoming pregnant through foreign sperm banks has reignited the familiar women’s rights debate. While experts weigh in with varied opinions, statistics reveal that the plight of the donor offspring is overlooked…


You mean that chimp isn’t my kin after all?

Alana S. 07.30.2010 4:40 PM

Scientists and Darwin-enthusiasts are dedicating their entire careers and adult lives trying to uncover the truth of human ancestry as it dates back millions of years. Is it so outlandish that some of us demand to know the truth of our ancestry as it pertains to our immediate paternity?

Elaine Morgan explains how we’ve been misled about our ancestral lineage and it’s time to uncover the truth about our aquatic origin.


‘Extreme Parenting’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.30.2010 3:19 PM

At Double X, KJ Dell’Antonia asks about the (faux?) trend stories on bigger families: “Is four the new two?”


Social Trends Institute on Medicating Children and Low Birth Rates

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.30.2010 11:50 AM

The Social Trends Institute (with locations in Barcelona and New York City) is doing fascinating work. Their e-newsletter today updates readers on two of their recent experts meetings:

Do we consider that active or inattentive children should be medicated until they adapt their behavior to fit a certain norm, or do we accept that a certain range of behavior ought to be outside the purview of medical care?  If the latter, how is that range determined and who gets to determine it?  Some might respond that bioethicists, whose field was created in response to scientific and medical abuses, get to debate and determine such limits.  If that’s true, what’s at stake for bioethics?  And is the field of bioethics adequate to resist the more pernicious forces of medicalization? Or is bioethics better described as a kind of “engine of medicalization?”

Questions such as these were addressed by STI’s latest Culture and Lifestyles Experts Meeting, Construction of New Realties in Medicine held in Barcelona (April 15-17, 2010). 

In March I was fortunate to gather with others in Barcelona to address the trend of low fertility in Europe. FamilyScholars blogger and UVA prof Brad Wilcox was the academic convenor of the group:
Sociologists and demographers have long been accustomed to dissecting the data from the increasingly dramatic fertility decline in the developed world.  In general, the economic, technological, and social sources of falling fertility rates are well understood. This meeting addressed the less well-understood sources of falling fertility rates by looking at how cultural changes-in views toward children, popular conceptions of the good life, and beliefs about gender roles-have played a central role in fertility decline. In addition to exploring the consequences of falling fertility rates for children, adults, and civil society, particular cultural and policy responses to low fertility were suggested and discussed at length. Whither the Child? Causes, Consequences, and Responses to Low Fertility was held on March 11-13, 2010 in Barcelona.
You can sign up for their e-newsletter here.

“They Had Morals”

David Lapp 07.30.2010 11:01 AM

My wife and I are living in an Ohio town this summer, talking to young people about relationships, children, and marriage. The town is small—about 4,000 people in the village proper—and has a mixture of folks from working class and middle/upper class backgrounds.  Last Sunday, my wife and I visited the First Baptist Church’s Sunday evening service. After the service, they held an ice cream social in the fellowship hall, where we visited with the church members, most of whom could be considered working class.

An elderly married couple sat across from us at the ice cream social, and they described to us how, like many of their neighbors, they moved up from Kentucky when they were young, in search of better jobs (we’ll call them Bob and Kathy). Bob grew up on a small dairy farm—“we milked the cows by hand”—and his family didn’t even have electricity until he was a teenager.

The elderly married couple sitting to our right were self-described “hillbillies” from the coal mines of West Virginia (we’ll call them Ernie and Wanda). Wanda’s family in West Virginia was dirt poor: they didn’t even have a car, and her father, a coal miner, would arrive home caked in coal and take a bath in the kitchen tub (“I don’t know how he ever got clean!”).

Read More


Welcoming a new FamilyScholars blogger

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.29.2010 5:51 PM

A very warm welcome to new guest blogger Amber Lapp. She is co-investigator of the Love and Marriage in Middle America project, a study sponsored by the Institute for American Values on the family formation of young adults in one small town in Ohio.

I hope you will enjoy her post below and share it with your friends…


Revisiting Baby Boomers’ Advice Against Early Marriage

Amber Lapp 07.29.2010 5:07 PM

Generally, we twenty-somethings are grateful for parental guidance. With the economy the way it is, and so many recent college grads working as baristas at Starbucks or servers at Outback, we are glad to accept all the help we can get from the older generation. However, there is one area in which some of us—though we appreciate the advice—do not always agree with our parents about: romantic relationships.

I was sipping an iced green tea at a Barnes and Noble Café with a friend of mine the other day. The romance novels—the ones with pictures of bare-chested men and steamy titles, the ones that middle aged women tend to read—lined the shelves behind us. My friend, we’ll call her Ashley, is a recent college grad and talented writer, who is now working in a paid-by-the-hour secretarial position. She was telling me about her recent work difficulties. Should she try harder to find a job with better pay? Was she just not trying hard enough, as her mom seemed to think? Surely she could at least find a salaried position? Read More


Billy Elliot

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.29.2010 2:44 PM

With FamilyScholars blogger Amy Ziettlow I had the pleasure last night of seeing the musical Billy Elliot on Broadway.

Amy is into song and dance. I am, well, not (I lack those gifts). But this musical touched me. Through music and sometimes astonishing movement the story is told of a young boy in Thatcherite England, whose father and brother are striking miners, whose mother has died, whose village is losing its lifeblood, who is confronting the norms of masculinity and a father’s inarticulately expressed fears and hopes for his son.

Little Billy Elliot dances with power and speaks with none. His shoulders are hunched, his face is downcast, his words are halting. He is a believable child who achieves something unbelievable. In a 24/7 world packed with too much noise, his is a story of childhood and family and loss and dreams worth telling.


A Note from Maggie

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.28.2010 5:22 PM

The protestors I can see are mostly young, and caught up in the drama in their mind. If they are to be the moral heroes, who is the villain? In their own heads, these young folks are joining a great civil rights drama. They missed the original civil rights movement, they missed the sixties, the sexual revolution even is just old hat, something their mamas did. This is their moment, here on the streets of Indianapolis, or Columbus, or Lima, or Madison, this is their Selma.


Marquardt on “The Kids” at First Things

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.28.2010 4:48 PM

At First Things “On the Square” you’ll find my review today of “The Kids are All Right.”

…The movie is rich on particulars and complexity; there are no stock characters here. The lesbian mothers are sympathetic, funny, and attractive, but have their faults. The daughter is a classic overachiever who wants to protect her mothers. The fifteen-year-old son is a jock with feelings, at ease in a world of women but not one of them. If you came looking for a heavy-handed defense of gay marriage or a commercial for gay families, all happy-go-lucky behind their white picket fences, you won’t find it here. more


Being “Front of House” in a “Back of House” World

Amy Ziettlow 07.28.2010 8:50 AM

On an airplane flight yesterday morning, I sat in seat 1A. Less than three feet away worked the flight crew. Not only could I hear their conversations clearly but I could see them clearly through the large window cut out of the partition dividing their work space from my row. I could hear all their in-house gossip and jokes, see their rolling of eyes or making of goofy expression. I understood that their small space equipped with coffee makers, refrigerators, small storage compartments and jump seats was intended to carve out a little “back of house” space for these professionals. But with no opaque curtain to draw and with the addition of a large window in the privacy partition, I wanted to pull the crew aside and say, “You need to realize that you have no “back of house” on this plane. You must always be “front of house” in order to play your role effectively. You’ll have to wait until we leave to let your hair down, so to speak, and be “back of house” with one another.”

I couldn’t help but giggle to see them goof around with each other and then walk two feet to my row and ask professionaly, “Can I get you something to drink, ma’am?” It was clear that as customers in our plane drama, I was NOT allowed to joke around with them nor was I even to acknowledge that they were acting differently just a few feet away. I was to play the role of “airline passenger.”  Read More


The Matrilineal Tilt in the Support of Adult Children

W. Bradford Wilcox 07.27.2010 10:50 PM

It takes a marriage to keep a father investing in his biological children. A mother will keep investing in her biological children no matter what. Of course, there are exceptions to this sociological rule. But, on average, men are much more likely to invest–financially, emotionally, and otherwise–in their biological children when they are married to the mother of their children, whereas women tend to invest in their biological children no matter what their marital status.

A new study in Social Forces, which explores the financial implications of the divorce revolution on parental financial support of adult children, provides more evidence in support of this rule. Sociologists Shelley Clark and Catherine Kenney point out (a) that the divorce revolution has dramatically reshaped the character of intergenerational family ties and (b) that women now have a lot more income and assets of their own to share with their adult children.

You put these two facts together and you find that, in the wake of a divorce, fathers who remarry are much less likely to support their adult children than divorced mothers who remarry or remain single. (Interestingly, divorced fathers who remain single [and few do] support their children at a slightly higher rate than divorced mothers who remain single or remarry.) So, the bottom line here seems to be that the flow of the father’s money is influenced much more by his marital status, whereas the flow of the mother’s money is influenced much more by her biological relatedness to the child. Note: children are most likely to receive financial support from their parents when they remain married to one another.

Another point fleshed out by this study: stepmothers appear to steer less money to their stepchildren, whereas stepfathers appear to allow their money to flow to their stepchildren. Once again, when it comes to parenthood, marriage trumps for men, whereas blood trumps for women.

Finally, this study provides more evidence that as marriage breaks down, the U.S. is seeing what sociologist Frank Furstenberg has called a “matrilineal tilt”. That is, children who experience divorce or single parenthood typically end up relying much more on mom than dad. In this case, the adult children of divorce generally can depend more on mom than dad when they need a financial helping hand.


Elín and Alana. The Lesbian and The Donor Kid

Alana S. 07.27.2010 6:17 AM

My dear friend and band-mate, Elin Ey, agreed to sit down with me for an interview (download file link). Elin is a lesbian. I am devoted to restricting sperm and egg donation in America. Our friendship may seem to be in conflict.

I sadly do not have high quality recording equipment, but this 48 minute conversation may be just what you’re interested in listening to for your morning commute. I ask Elin what her goals for family planning were before she met me, and now- after the development of our friendship. Enjoy.

Elin’s music can be found on her myspace page. Or if you’re like me, and prefer to both hear and watch, go here for video.


‘Searches for biological fathers don’t always have Hollywood endings’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.27.2010 12:36 AM

Emily Fuggetta at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette writes:

Connecting with sperm donors isn’t always as easy as it is portrayed in “The Kids Are All Right,” a film starring Julianne Moore, Annette Bening and Mark Ruffalo, which opened in Pittsburgh Friday after early success in other cities.

Exactly!

And:

…some are fighting for the U.S. to require disclosure. The Institute for American Values, a nonprofit group in New York “whose mission is to study and strengthen key American values,” released a study called “My Daddy’s Name Is Donor,” which outlines what it deems the negative effects of anonymous donation.

The Web-based study of more than 1,600 people found that 65 percent of donor offspring agree with the statement “My sperm donor is half of who I am” and that “family relationships for donor offspring are more often characterized by confusion, tension and loss.” The study also found that 53 percent of donor-conceived respondents agreed that “It hurts when I hear other people talk about their genealogical background,” compared with 29 percent of those who were adopted.

Kathleen LaBounty, 28, of Houston, hopes the U.S. will require disclosure to prevent others from experiencing the pain she has felt during a so-far-unsuccessful search for her biological father. more


UK: Dad and Daddy’s journey to America

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.26.2010 1:22 PM

Tony and Barrie have a couple more babies.


‘Celebrating 20 years of preimplantation genetic diagnosis’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.26.2010 1:17 PM

At BioNews.

Well, celebrating is one point of view.

There are others.


New Book: ‘All-in-One Marriage Prep: 75 Experts Share Tips and Wisdom to Help you Get Ready Now’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.26.2010 11:41 AM

A 400+ page volume with originally-commissioned essays, edited by Susanne M. Alexander of Marriage Transformation.

Authors include Beverly and Tom Rodgers, Julie Baumgardner, John Van Epp, Nisa Muhammad, Claudia and David Arp, Mike McManus, Gary Chapman, Rita DeMaria, Scott Haltzman, and many more.

Institute affiliate scholar Emily Luschin’s essay is titled “Pace It,” and explores how “committed, successful relationships don’t just appear out of thin air” but are “built over time.” It offers “best practices” that can help any couple prepare well for marriage.

My own essay is titled “‘If Our Parents Divorced, Can Our Marriage Succeed?: Striving for Unity in an Era of High Family Fragmentation.” It examines how those from divorced families can have “high hopes but few models,” and offers a model for building unity with your family of origin even as you are embarking on forming a new family.


New Book: ‘The Children of Divorce: The Loss of Family as the Loss of Being’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.26.2010 11:28 AM

Excellent new offering by Andrew Root, assistant professor of youth and family ministry at Luther Seminary, published by Baker Academic.

Table of Contents

1. A History of the Family, a History of the Self

2. Marriage and Divorce in Late Modernity: Being and Action in Gidden’s Social Theory

3. Divorce as an Issue of Being: Ontological Security and the Loss of Self

4. Divorce and Theological Anthropology

5. Divorce and the Image of God: A Conversation between Theology and Object Relations Psychology

6. What Is to Be Done: The Church as a Community for the Broken

Andrew Root and I will be speakers at Luther Seminary’s First Third Dialogues in St. Paul, Minnesota September 27-29. Information and registration available at FirstThird.org.


More on ‘The Kids’

Elizabeth Marquardt 07.26.2010 11:22 AM

At National Review (digital version, subscription required), Ross Douthat reviews The Kids are All Right.