"I don't believe our major problem is racism," said Kunjufu, as if he were speaking not only to those in the theater, but also to all of the nation's 30 million-plus African-Americans. "The greatest demon in black America is fatherlessness. The common variable for the [African-American] dropout rate, the incarceration rate and drug use is the daddy didn't stay."

The [current] law, based on Islamic Sharia, has left women in a vulnerable position within the family. Husbands have been able to divorce their wives easily, and turn them out of the home, while it has been very difficult for women to get out of abusive relationships. Now part of that law is going to change. Women will get property rights within marriage, and both spouses will have equal authority in the family. Divorce will be made easier for women, and the age of marriage for girls will be raised from 15 to 18. Polygamy will not be outlawed but will be made more difficult - a man will need to get consent from his existing wife before marrying another.

Amanda Manis was dumped Monday after forwarding boyfriend Anthony Madrid a link for the humor web site LunaticLobsters.com. "I was convinced that I had found my soulmate, my kindred spirit, the woman I could grow old with," Madrid said. "Then, out of nowhere, Mandy e-mails me this stupid link. When I saw those Flash-animation cartoons, I knew it was over." Madrid has previously dumped girlfriends for owning roller blades, buying Vegemite, and watching Craig Kilborn.

In the California recall, the right wing's moralistic masters of attack choked on their own partisanship. These are the people who praised the "courage" of anyone who reported anything embarrassing about the sex life of a certain former president. Then they painted all who did not respond with indignation as "apologists" complicit in America's moral decline and the "death of outrage." Guess who the apologists were this time? All of a sudden it was Arnold Schwarzenegger being accused of groping, fondling and humiliating women. Oh, yes, there was outrage on the right. But it was directed at the Los Angeles Times for investigating and reporting on the charges ... Mark Oct. 7, 2003, as the day conservatives' moral outrage died.

A rejected lover's broken heart may cause as much distress in a pain center of the brain as an actual physical injury, according to a new study ... Naomi Eisenberger, a scientist at UCLA and the lead author of the study that appears today in the journal Science, said the study suggests that the need for social inclusiveness is deep-seated. "These findings show how deeply rooted our need is for social connection," said Eisenberger. "There's something about exclusion from others that is perceived as being as harmful to our survival as something that can physically hurt us." The shock and distress of this rejection registered in the same part of the brain, called the anterior cingulate cortex, that responds to physical pain, Eisenberger said.

Local politicians and those against the amendment are diving into the marriage debate. Eight people showed up at Thursday's Kent County Commissioner meeting to protest a county resolution supporting a proposed amendment to the state constitution that would define marriage as exclusively between one man and one woman ... State Senator Bill Hardiman of Kentwood and Majority Leader Ken Sikkema of Wyoming are two of the bill's top sponsors.

Across the country, unusual alliances are forming to protect the traditional definition of marriage from anticipated court rulings. While the movement draws from a variety of demographic groups, it relies heavily on two -- white evangelicals and religious blacks -- that have historically been at odds over issues ranging from affirmative action to welfare reform.

The American researchers argue that the contemporary social and economic environment for young people is at best anaemic and at worst toxic. The chief cause is a profound loss of social connectedness. Authoritative communities - meaning intergenerational groups with a long-term commitment to children, who provide models of what it is to be a good person, who offer a secure base - are disappearing or disintegrating ... Hardwired to Connect proposes a model of social change, not merely more pharmacological Band-Aid treatments such as Ritalin and Prozac, which is like prescribing Panadol for black lung disease. Instead, the social ecology of the young must be improved. Not just treatment but prevention. We must begin to recreate the village.

Take the Masseys and Scotts, for example. Kelly Scott and her husband, Steve, sit side-by-side with Scott's ex-husband, Ron Massey, and his new partner at their kids' football and basketball games in Portland, Beaverton and Tigard. They sometimes attend parent-teacher meetings at their kids' schools with three or four adults present.

"I know there's nothing better for my kids than seeing us all sit together on the bleachers," Kelly Scott says. "My son says: 'I love it when you sit together. I love it when we are one big family.' "

The Chief Justice of the Family Court has warned against introducing a rule that would automatically give divorced parents equal access to their children.

Justice Alistair Nicholson says children might be put at risk if they're forced to spend time with an abusive parent. The Lone Fathers Association says something needs to be done because in its view the Court is biased towards women.

Pottawatomie County Extension educator Sonya Rickman is offering a free workshop to help residents with marriage and relationship skills ... Rickman is one of more than 190 people throughout the state offering free relationships skills workshops in conjunction with the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI). The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) is the chosen curriculum of the OMI. Based on more than 20 years of research, PREP relationship workshops focus on teaching couples/people how to better communicate, how to solve problems as a team, how to manage conflict and still maintain their friendship and commitment.

"The goal is equality between married and unmarried persons,� said David Blankenhorn at the Institute for American Values. �� Why should you be treated differently by the law just because you're married?"

But opponents say the idea of de-legalizing marriage ...

Autumn is always wedding season in China, but this week record numbers of couples have been marrying in cities like Beijing, Tianjin and Shanghai, according to officials and news media reports. �

The surge began on Oct. 1, when China celebrated its National Day and enacted a handful of new laws. None has garnered more attention or enthusiasm than the new marriage law, which ends two longstanding requirements: a health certificate and, most annoying, a letter from an employer confirming that a person is single.

�Chinese officials are touting the new marriage law, as well as a new streamlined divorce law, as evidence of government reform. �But the new law is not causing social change as much as keeping up with it. Indeed, the law reflects the continued erosion of the old Communist work unit, or danwei, which the government once used to tightly monitor the daily lives of its citizens. With more and more people working in the private sector, the employer permission slip had become increasingly irrelevant.

"There is a real tremendous problem with telling people that marriage is the answer to every issue that people face in this complex changing society of ours," said Stephanie Coontz, who chairs the Council on Contemporary Families.

The nation essentially is split in half over whether to accept gay and lesbian marriage, a USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll finds. While 48% of those surveyed say allowing gay unions "will change our society for the worse," 50% say they would be an improvement or have no effect ... 67% of those ages 18 to 29 and 53% of those ages 30 to 49 say gay unions would have no harmful effect or might make society better.

"Once you think marriage isn't God's work, it's about the human heart, you think why is (a homosexual person's) heart any less loving or needy than mine? If you pull away from the Bible as authority, the right to marry becomes a matter of conscience, fair play and the higher morality of love."

� This is the concept that drives me nuts. As if it's all about ME - if
I know who I am, that will lead to marital success. This thinking leads to
so much divorce. "Ooops! I waited till I was 38 to get married. I thought
I knew who I was. But, it turns out I didn't wait quite long enough. Now,
at 45, I realize I wasn't quite fully actualized when I married and, thus, I
married the wrong person and, thus, ooops, I have to get a divorce and start
over on my quest for individual self-actualization and for finding the
perfect partner to match who I am." What a disservice this kind of thinking
is. �

Books like this feed their fear that it's all about knowing who they
really are - about being self-actualized. Being a finished product. That
thinking would assure marital happiness for about a month, until both
changed. Unless there is a bad accident and someone is left brain dead,
both partners will continue to change and grow throughout life lives.

I wonder what the research would find if they followed these friendship bonds - all the friendship research I've seen shows that friendships last on average 7 years.

A leading private school headteacher yesterday warned of the "disastrous impact" of marriage breakdown on children's education and emotional well-being, as he urged society to reverse its "selfish and self-indulgent attitudes".

I must admit to being a little perplexed as to why anyone would perceive a conflict between those who advocate for marriage and those who advocate for fathers.

When a small business owner goes through a divorce fight, it's often more than a personal ordeal. The company can become part of the battle. A difficult divorce can even put a business at risk if the owner is forced to pay a huge sum to a former spouse ... Violet Woodhouse, an attorney and financial planner in Newport Beach, Calif., has advised company owners going through divorce ... Sometimes when couples fight over a company, it's because they started the business together or both worked in it, and now each wants it. The fight becomes a custody battle, because few couples are able to work together after a breakup.

Consider the Almost Brides, an astonishing number of whom allude in their tales of woe to children: children they have borne to their fianc�s, or to other men, or children that their fianc�s have sired with previous wives or girlfriends. That these broken engagements (many of which ended in rage fests followed by what psychotherapists usually describe as �sexual acting out� on the part of the Almost Brides) may also have constituted periods of significant loss and grieving for these children � who suddenly had to bid good-bye to a person they had expected would be a parent � goes entirely and shamefully unmentioned in There Goes the Bride. Such is the lot of children in our culture: absent stigmas on divorce or single parenting or illegitimacy, with religion often a governing factor in people�s lives only to the extent that it is a boon rather than a constricting force, a child�s fate in life is entirely dependent on the sexual and romantic whims of his parents. And come wedding time, the child is considered merely a cast member, a cunning little ring bearer or flower girl or � worst-case scenario � sulking adolescent in a shiny new suit of clothes, rather than someone whose life is about to be profoundly (if perhaps temporarily) affected by the events at hand.

A Bayh provision tucked in the Senate welfare bill would create a $20 million Challenge Grant program aimed at encouraging states and communities to get donated airtime from broadcasters to promote responsible fatherhood. Donations would be matched by the federal government, and the messages would promote fatherhood and marriage. The bill also would allow the government to spend $50 million for responsible fatherhood programs. Of that, $20 million would go to as many as 10 states to implement responsible fatherhood efforts, such as programs aimed at building parenting skills or providing employment services.

...I'm stumped by the opening statements from Stephen Baskerville and Roger F. Gay. They may rally their troops with this kind of writing, but they aren't going to win me over unless they start making sense. Baskerville and Gay need to respond to the marriage movement instead of railing against the child support agents in black helicopters. (Okay, so I exaggerate, but this is how they sound to me.)

As I see it, the marriage movement is a loose network of practitioners and scholars providing information and resources which can help couples enjoy happier, more stable marriages. ...

Certain politicians have an interest in stemming the tide of divorce and unmarried parenthood. They see an ally in the marriage movement, as well as a vehicle for disseminating the marriage-promoting information. Furthermore, these politicians believe that they can avoid creating additional government bureaucracy by giving grants to existing organizations. The political motivations may be debated, but I hardly see how this effort could be perceived as an attempt to strengthen the child support collection industry, as Baskerville and Gay seem to suggest.

My family could be a "poster child" for the marriage movement. Two years ago, my wife and I were headed for a divorce. Instead of divorcing, we rebuilt our marriage -- in large part because of information and resources we found through the SmartMarriages.com website.

So now there's one less broken family, one less angry dad, and one less overworked mother. Is this a bad thing?