Two New Stories from Anonymous Us

04.29.2013, 10:21 AM

Below are two recently submitted stories, one from a young woman conceived via egg donation, the second from a birthparent.

Feeling Betrayed:

Before she died when I was ten, I worshipped my mother. She was a beautiful, straightforward, loving human being and I was proud to be her blood and flesh, her real daughter. But growing up, I always felt something was wrong. I didn’t look like her, I looked Caucasian, too white and freckle to be completely Japanese. Even after she left, I took solace in knowing that I was hers, that someday I might look more like her, that I would attract the attention of many men like she did. She was mine and I was hers in both flesh and heart and I was immensely proud and happy to know that. It was my beacon of light throughout the lonely years of my childhood. I was the luckiest kid in the world to have such a beautiful mom. When I was fourteen though, my father told me that she had loved me very much and to never forget that she was my real mother who bore me, but genetically my REAL mother was an anonymous Korean/German woman. I pretended like it was no big deal, like all it was was explaining my strange eyes and my brown blonde hair. I was so heartbroken. The person I believed to be my own was in fact, not. This distanced me even more from my memories of her and I was so distraught and angry when no one was looking. I wish they hadn’t told me. I really wish they hadn’t. Thinking past that, I do want to meet my biological mother, but I feel like if I expressed these feelings to my father, he wouldn’t understand and tell me that it wasn’t important. But I WANT to know. There are so many questions within me.Do I have siblings? The sister I’d always hoped for? Did they look like me? What did my mother look like? Would she like me? Did she want to know me? Is she alive? I’d like to meet her someday. And if not, I’d like to at least know who she is. A name perhaps.

Single Mother in St.Louis, MO:

I am a birth mother to a beauitful baby girl who is now 5 yrs old. I have always wanted to be a mother and age was against me and the fact that I had never met a Mr.Right . I love my child with all my being and only want to give her the best of everything just as all parents do. When I had the bio clock ticking I asked an ex who I had remained really close to for many years and have known him since I was 15 to help me. He was not into it for a long time it took me the better part of 2 yrs to convince him . When I did he went along with it and charged me for his “DONATION”. At this point in my life I saw what a great father he was to his other 2 kids and I thought he would be the same with this baby. Boy oh boy was I wrong. He is from an all Italian family and he claims they would not accept how she came to be. What a cop out. At any rate I was adjusting to being a only parent to my daughter till she has been asking alot of questions and I dont know how to proceed. My child is very intelligent and will ask me where her daddy is and why he doesnt love her. I tell her he does love her and that he lives very far away and that mommy and daddy just dont get along. The sad thing is he lives a hour from us and he sees his son who is out of state more than he has ever seen his daughter. I want to protect my child and not hurt her in any way so I dont know how to answer her questions she only just turned 5. How do I proceed I want her to know how much I wanted her and would not change a thing. Another thing that bothers me is that we were trying to conceive naturally and it did not happen we had to use a fertility Dr. How can he just walk away and how do I proceed with my child moving forward. Please help if any ideas.

2 Responses to “Two New Stories from Anonymous Us”

  1. Diane M says:

    The first story is a clear example of the importance of being open.

    I think it also suggests that we need to be more honest in the way we talk about donor conception. It is not a fertility treatment. It is a form of adoption. We already know that it is devastating to tell a child later on that they were adopted. If we called this adoption, we would tell them earlier.

    As for the second story, the mother made a huge mistake expecting a guy who didn’t want to make a baby with her to act like a father.

  2. Rhonda says:

    S to the single mother, if it took 2 yrs to convince him AND he charged her for it, she should have realized he wasn’t going to be a father figure to her child. She had a fantasy of how it would be, but didn’t plan for the reality. She has now compounded the problem by LYING to the child. She needs to let go of the fantasy of the guy being a father to the child he really didn’t want in the first place, and start being honest with the daughter about how much she is loved by mom, and how mom wanted her so badly she had her without having a dad.