I got to Elizabeth’s post Relinquishment, Reunification, and Joseph a bit late, but fortunately for me, I can just start a new post with my own thoughts!
Her initial question was regarding reflections upon the Biblical account of Joseph’s life as found in Genesis in the context of personal stories of adopted/donor conceived people. It’s interesting that she asks about that particular story because it was one of the stories that I looked to in order to clarify in my own mind my particular conception circumstance.
I have to give some background about how I view this story, if you’ll indulge me.
I grew up in a theologically weak church. There was a lot of moralizing of Scripture going on (you know, obey the rules because it’s right instead of truly understanding what the text says) and very little Bible preaching/teaching from the pulpit. Suffice it to say that I grew up with little to no knowledge of God or Scripture.
But I did believe that there was a God, and even as a young child, I had a theory that God was “in charge” of when a person died, therefore he must be “in charge” of every detail of a person’s life that leads up to the moment of death, otherwise they might miss their “appointment”.
So you might say that I was predisposed toward God’s soverignty over all things, even before I was formally introduced to such a concept.
I also believe that all of Scripture is meant to convey to the reader something about God Himself, even when He is not explicitly mentioned (as in the book of Ruth).
So with that said, Joseph’s life – and more importantly, God’s sovereignty in Joseph’s life – was a great comfort to me as I struggled with the revelation that the man who raised me was not my biological father.
The life that Joseph had lived prior to his brothers selling him to a caravan of Ishmaelites was probably fairly uneventful, except for the dreams that God had given him, which caused his brothers to hate him even more than they already did. The day that he was sold and taken to Egypt changed the course of his life.
What was Joseph’s response to his brothers years after that day? “I am your brother, Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Genesis 45:4-5, 8 ) And later on, he reiterated his thoughts, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” (Genesis 50:20)
My parents – all three of them – purposed to create a child who would be raised by one biological parent, and abandoned by the other.
With Joseph, I can say…
My parents created me this way, yet God created me this way.
My parents harmed me, though unintentionally. And yet God intended it for good.
I am also able to say that I forgive them for the hurt.
The comfort that those two facts have given me has been extraordinary. I don’t claim to fully comprehend why, but I don’t have to fully comprehend it to know that it’s true.
Categories: Faith and Families, Reproductive Technologies
very moving post
Hello Stephanie
Keep in mind that my only exposure to this story is what you wrote above, but it sounds like the modern, urban equivalent of what Joseph said would be like “Whats up bro…member me? I’m the brother you sold out? Don’t trip, it’s all good, I ain’t mad atcha I’m a big success because of what I had to overcome so don’t feel guilty and don’t go taking credit for it either” He’s sarcastic he’s knocking their hats off and calling them chumps. It sounds just like the Tupac song I ain’t mad at cha only in that song he’s begrudging a friends piety for moving on and getting out of the game.
Hi again
But what you describe about God making you that way…people love to use that against you and then they say ‘how can you complain when if it were not for donor conception you would not even exist’. Like you’d be going against God to be against donor conception saying God’s plan for you was not good enough. That is malarkey. Don’t let anyone mess with you like that. God did not want your father to abandon you he did not make him not take care of you human fear and shame and carelessness and shortsightedness did that. You don’t need to credit your existence to parental abandonment. You were born and then your father abandoned you so that your Mom and her husband could raise you as their own child. He did not have to do that you could have existed as the person you are raised by your mom and her husband and your father could have behaved like a father and taken responsibility for you and helped raise you too – millions of separated parents are made to do just that by the courts so that their children receive all they deserve to receive from both parents. Your parents were unmarried, they were not together when they conceived you and were not together when you were born. Again this circumstance is not unique to you in the history of the world. You probably grew up around lots of kids whose parents were not a couple and yet somehow the law expected them to work together for the benefit of the person they put on this earth. You deserved to be cared for and loved by her husband the man you knew as your father and you deserved the great relationship that you had with him, but that does not mean you did not also deserve to be part of the family you originated from. You could have had both, you should have had both because in reality you have both but human fear and shame and constructs prevented it. Not God.
The hand of God brings people together draws them together, its the hand of man that separates, divides, builds walls and borders and obstacles. Don’t feel guilty about tearing down those walls and erasing the borders and helping others to navigate all the obstacles put in their way because they were not put there by God. People look at a situation where the parents are separated and remarried with the kids bouncing back and forth house to house as such a bad thing on this blog here…those people are cooperating and living authentically and trying to come together for the benefit of the child they created together. They are behaving responsibly and that appears far more like people doing what God expects than a situation where one of the parents abandons their kid so that the other parent can get to live out a fantasy of having reproduced with their spouse being more concerned with appearances than with what the child they created deserves and what they could have were it not for the limitations that they put on themselves.
But I don’t know about religion Steph you know that. I just remember how shame and embarrasment and lying came out of that garden of eden story.
This is beautiful Stephanie and exactly how I have come to terms with it. Marilynn, I understand what you are saying but this is all very deep complicated stuff that I do not believe the laws of man remedy. God has given us free will but not without freedom of/from consequence. It’s all about the lessons.
Marilynn,
I hear what you are saying (except for the Tupac thing!) but there’s no need to let God off the hook regarding things that he does that we don’t think ought to be in his job description. He send calamities…he wounds…he decimates. And it’s his right to do it.
And yet…
People are still responsible for what they do. There are no two ways about that; Joseph even told his brothers that THEY sold him, and yet, God was the one who sent Joseph ahead of them in order to save lives during the famine.
God does indeed separate parents from children…parents die all the time. But God does not sin in what he does.
But I stand by it because Scripture is clear about it.