At the American Conservative, the ever observant Eve Tushnet ponders the fact that marriage proposals are getting bigger and flashier. Judith Martin, the “Miss Manners” columnist and author, used to point out in our Council on Families gatherings that as marriage as an institution gets smaller and weaker, the puffery surrounding it (the wedding, the engagement) gets bigger and stronger. As the thing itself becomes blurred, our announcements and rituals connected to the thing become sharp, commercial, and increasingly garish. (For an extreme example, think of Donald Trump’s weddings; then think of Donald Trump as a married man.) This is the phenomenon that Tushnet is describing.
Categories: General
Interesting article, and I especially like her point about how public proposals often bully (or at least pressure) the woman into saying yes.
And, if someone faked getting arrested or faked crashing an airplane as part of a plot to propose to me I would promptly break up with them. That’s just really emotionally manipulative.
As someone with many gay, lesbian, and bisexual friends, I thankfully haven’t been all that exposed to much of the bridezilla stuff. I also thank there are some class issues with respect to the puffy weddings and expectations, because where I’m from people still have relatively simple weddings and would never think of asking people to attend multiple showers and parties.
A few years ago though, one of my friends was a bridesmaid for a wealthy woman in Southern California. I was amazed at how this woman was really entitled to expect her friends to fly in practically every month for a year to attend various showers, tastings, and parties. It was at least a six-figure wedding and it probably cost my friend at least $10,000 to be in it.
I truly think some people are more excited to get married than they are to be married.
The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries (married 72
days I think and now she is, to Kanye’s words, the “baby mama” of his baby)
Speaking of Trump, Bethenny Frankel (on The Apprectice-yes I’m a reality TV (oxymoron and an adventure is epistemology) got married last summer and is now divorcing.
To address the post though-love the story. On a related note I try to read CS Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters every year and if I had the mental fortitude is throw in The Brothers Karamazov.
My dear friend at LSU who studies zombies as a cultural metaphor always sends me film ideas for determining what is alive and what is dead, what is enlivening and what is deadening.
I conflated my comments-the second half on epistemology goes with David’s next post
the whole popping the question thing strikes me as rather immature. Wouldn’t mature people who are considering marriage have discussed it at length with each other?
A surprise yes- no question doesn’t seem like it cuts it.
Perhaps this goes back to the days when marriages were in fact arranged by the family and the bride really just did say yes or no.
I thought this insight from the blog wsa interesting:
“It’s a poignant response to the divorce revolution, as couples hope a huge wedding will prove that they are deeply invested in their relationship and truly mean to “only do this once”;”
I’d never thought of it that way before. The proposal and wedding as a way to make sure that your partner really means it and won’t leave. (and maybe won’t be able to afford to leave!)
Perhaps they are also tests of your partner’s wealth. Starting to sound like bride prices or something.
@ki sarita – I would guess that these guys have discussed marriage in the abstract with their girlfriend before they stage these stunts.
However, one advantage of a private proposal would be that you could say, I don’t know, and discuss any reservations you have.