Week of March 12, 2011
Courtesy of Bill Coffin
1. Hate Your Husband? (Or Your Wife?), Huffington Post
And second, if we’re constantly gazing over our partner’s shoulder for the next best thing, we won’t be gazing into his or her eyes. Feeling gratitude for our partners is key to a successful relationship. But we’re unlikely to feel grateful for what we have when we feel entitled to something better, something more. We cannot feel truly committed to someone if we also feel that there might be someone else out there for us. The abundance of choice in our society — and the advertising and media culture that (quite effectively) makes us feel that we won’t be complete until we acquire that next great thing — is taking its toll on our relationships.
The study found that the SHM program produced a consistent pattern of small, positive effects on multiple aspects of couples’ relationships. Relative to the control group, the program group couples showed:
- higher levels of marital happiness;
- lower levels of marital distress;
- greater warmth and support;
- more positive communication;. . .
A 2009 study by Dr. Luis Angeles of the University of Glasgow (UK) found that married men and women (particularly women), experienced improved satisfaction with their life and their relationship when they have children. (Unmarried couples raising children were not found to have the same positive effect.) When husbands and wives were asked about the most important things in their lives, their children were at or near the top. There are several ways you can help move toward a healthy “couple-centered marriage”: . . .
4. What Increases Marriage Satisfaction: The Better Marriage Project, Part I, Psychology Today
Interestingly, a new study by Harvard researchers Cohen, Schulz, Weiss and Waldinger. . . confirmed the vital importance of these two factors–a happy wife and strong partnership communication when the husband is feeling upset–in marriage. Two of the study’s conclusions were that:
- The old saying “happy wife, happy wife” seems to be true. Husbands do tend to feel happier with their marriage when they see that their wives are happy.
- For wives, marriage satisfaction is especially strongly enhanced when the husband is upset (!), provided that he opens up and talks in a non-blaming constructive way about his distress (and, I would add, that she has strong listening skills).
5. A New Normal for the American Family: Kids Outside of Marriage, The Atlantic
Tori refers to motherhood as her calling. While her family wishes that she’d gone to college and “got established” first, Tori, now a home health care provider, doesn’t regret her decision to go “from high school to mom.” . . . While such sentiments befuddle many college-educated Americans, we heard them often in our interviews with over 100 mostly white working-class young adults in southwestern Ohio. Many working-class young adults like Tori — married or not — view the birth of their children as one of the best things that happened to them.
Working with the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, Diamond and Hicks surveyed 632 U.S. couples about the state of their marriages as well as their finances and the causes of whatever woes they were experiencing. . . Broadly, Diamond and Hicks found the most satisfied couples were those in which both partners shared some responsibility for their money problems but also laid some blame outside their relationship, specifically on the national economy. That’s the upside of a drumbeat of bad economic news: it’s a steam valve for couples.
7. Can Healthy Marriages Benefit from Couples Therapy?, Globe and Mail
Therapist Bernard Guerney, founder of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement, argues that marriage is a teachable skill, kind of like tennis. Did that captivate you?
I realized that I knew so much about so many parts of life – how to be a good mother, how to take care of my physical health, how to run a faster half-marathon – and I hadn’t brought that part of myself to bear on marriage at all. Guerney’s analogy of tennis really struck me. This is something a person can get good at: You can practise in the same way you would practise tennis. There are people who know techniques, and there are fundamentals.
For more, see this site.