Marriage Media
Week of February 13, 2011
Courtesy of Bill Coffin
1. Talk with Your Spouse Now about Retirement Plans, The Washington Post
From the start, Taylor and Mintzer ask couples to take a 10-question quiz to see if they are in sync. Much like a therapy session, rather than tell people what to do, the authors use exercises and other people’s post- and pre-retirement stories to get couples to think ahead and anticipate areas where they might disagree.
“The structure may help you avoid arguments and have more positive conversations,” they write. “The goal is to clarify what is important to each of you in developing a shared vision for the next part of your life together.”
2. Young Mothers Describe Marriage’s Fading Allure, New York Times
Sixty-three percent of all births to women under 30 in Lorain County occur outside marriage, according to Child Trends, a research center in Washington. That figure has risen by more than two-thirds over the past two decades, and now surpasses the national figure of 53 percent.
Young parents spoke of an economy that was fundamentally different from in their parents’ time, and that required more than a high school education for fathers to be stable breadwinners. They talked of how little they trusted each other to be reliable mates, and of how the government safety net encourages poor parents to stay single.
For more see, For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage
3. Getting Married? Don’t Fall for These Money Myths, USA Today
What’s more mysterious than love? How about personal finance? In honor of Valentine’s Day, here’s a look at some common myths about marriage and money.
- Myth 1: Marriage will increase my tax bill.
- Myth 2: My future spouse and I can lower our tax bill by filing separate tax returns.
- Myth 3: I don’t have to worry about being held liable for my spouse’s tax misdeeds.
- Myth 4: Getting married could help (or hurt) my credit score.
- Myth 5: As long as we keep our finances separate, I don’t have to worry about my spouse’s credit.
4. Why Do Happy Newlyweds Eventually Divorce?, Huffington Post
Couples who eventually divorced displayed more anger and contempt for their partners. When solving problems, they were more likely to disagree, and blame and invalidate the feelings of each other. In the laboratory, when asked to talk about an aspect of their lives that they would like to change, couples who divorced were more likely to express inappropriate pessimism, discourage the expression of feelings and insist that their partners resolve the situation on their own. Thus, it appears that the difference between these seeming satisfied young couples who divorce and those that don’t may be tied to negative communication and lack of support for each other that may eventually poison a satisfying relationship.
5. One Person Sharpens Another, The New York Times
The trend toward living alone and even living together without a marriage commitment is a drifting change, based on our desire for immediate comfort and happiness. But it ends up destroying the beauty of the human experience.
Sharing all of life with another person is difficult – but it matures us. Only the presence of another person can reveal our selfishness and prompt us toward learning the art of compromise and working together.
The alternative is to retreat into our own world, where we are so absorbed with personal comfort that we can’t be bothered to hear the concerns of another person or be inconvenienced to consider someone else’s needs. Is this what we really want?
6. Should Schools Teach Teens How To Be Good Spouses?, Huffington Post
Clearly there’s a movement to get people — with the help of teachers and counselors — to think before marrying or divorcing. It sounds like a good idea, but do marriage prep courses work? Yes and no, according to a 2010 Brigham Young University study, which examined about 50 such classes around the country. Yes, the classes significantly increased couples’ communication skills. No, the classes didn’t improve relationship quality or satisfaction.
As one researcher noted, “Engaged couples are so in love that they can’t be more satisfied. Their heads are bumping against the ceiling.” Maybe trying to talk sense into young lovers who are about to walk down the aisle is too late. Perhaps we should start talking about what makes for a healthy marriage in high school; at least that’s what the majority of responders in an informal survey Susan Pease Gadoua and I offered as part of our research for our book, “The New I Do,” indicated.
For a high school curriculum in the OJJDP Model Programs Guide, see here.
7. Shame & Empathy by Dr. Brené Brown, Youtube
Connection is our ability to forge meaningful, authentic relationships with other people. I believe connection is the essence of the human experience. It is what breathes life and gives meaning to our lives. If you think about connection on a continuum, anchoring us on this end is empathy. It is what moves to us deep, meaningful relationships. On the other side of the continuum connection is shame. It absolutely unravels our connection and relationships with other people. . . When we are in our best vulnerability, that moves us toward empathy.
For more, see this site.
Categories: Marriage
