Week of December 26, 2011
Courtesy of Bill Coffin
1. Common Traits of Long and Happy Marriages, USA Today
In my book, ‘How to be a Grown Up,’ I talk about the 4 Cs of a quality relationship:
- Consider your partner’s feelings, thoughts and desires;
- Compromise as often as you can;
- Comfort your partner when he or she is in pain, even if you are the cause of their distress;
- Compliment daily — it lifts people up, counteracts insecurities and it simply feels good.
RAY SUAREZ: How is who gets married shaped by income, education, factors like that?
STEPHANIE COONTZ: Well, one of the things we’re seeing is a tremendous class divide in the access to stable, satisfying relationships, whether married or cohabiting. And the marriages of college-educated couples have been getting more and more stable. The divorce rates have been falling. But that’s not so for high school dropouts and even increasingly for high school-educated couples.
3. Tips for a Kinder, Gentler Marriage: Share Your Spiritual Lives, Huffington Post
Couples who pray together and share religious values are more likely to express affection and love, perform acts of kindness and be less critical of their partners, according to a study of 1,491 respondents ages 18 to 59 to the 2006 National Survey of Religion and Family Life.
4. A Response to Keith Ablow, The National Review Online
But Dr. Ablow’s ill-advised foray into policy analysis is not the least of the problems with his article. He comments, in an off-hand way, that in his clinical observations, “the vast majority of married people consider their unions a source of pain, not pleasure, and that too few of them are equipped with the psychological and behavioral tools to achieve true intimacy or maintain real passion.” Translation: People don’t have good enough relationship skills to get and stay married, so let’s give them an easier way out.
5. Chinese Marriage Sets Example for West, ABC News
China is said to be the bedrock of our financial future but two Queensland researchers are finding their approach to relationships could also lay the right foundation for a lasting marriage. The divorce rate in China is about one-third of Australia’s. University of Queensland psychologist Danika Hiew is in the middle of a study that is attempting to find out why. She spoke to our reporter Matt Wordsworth.
6. Troops Returning from Iraq Face New Battle at Home, Sacramento Bee
The divorce rate among military couples has increased 42 percent since the Afghanistan-Iraq wars began in 2001. Thousands of couples have endured multiple deployments resulting in years of separation. Research reveals that plans to pursue divorce or separation increase with each subsequent month a service member is deployed. . . “When troops return home, civilians think ‘ok, that’s it. It’s over.’ But that’s not true. The stress on our marriage of 13 deployments since 9/11 has been immeasurable.”
“Talk about everything before marriage like your families, parenting styles, career goals and aspirations, where you want to live, where you like to vacation, religious preferences, where you grew up, what your childhood was like, finances, finances, finances, budgeting, credit reports, health issues, have you ever been incarcerated, confined to a mental institution . . . Talk about everything. The more you know the better decisions you can make.
For more, see this site.