From BioNews:
‘I’m ready in every way possible to be a mum. The only problem is you need a male and female to make a baby and I only have the female part’, read an appeal by a 21-year old on an online forum.
These forums, such as babydonor.com, bring together prospective parents and potential sperm donors, and women under 25 account for up to a quarter of their advertisers.
A 20-year old care worker from Moray, who found a willing donor via online advertising, says of her experience: ‘He [the donor] has donated several times before and has stayed in contact with those families. I don’t want to just meet men in bars and sleep with them, I’m not that kind of girl.
Categories: Dating, Mating, Hooking Up, Fatherhood, Marriage, Motherhood
This reminds me of the article you posted during the first incarnation of this blog. It had a relevant quote:
Wanted: Some- thing to cuddle and take care of; something that will accept love easily and will love unconditionally in return.
Thirteen years and nine months later
Wanted: HELP!!!!!!
This was from the old Yes, single mothers are strong—but the children still need a father article on the fredericksburg.com news site.
Do these women have any idea what they’re getting into? Is a present and caring biological father for their child worth so little?
This is madness.
No person has the right to INTENTIONALLY create a human child that is motherless or fatherless.
It is the birthright of every member of the human family to have a lifelong relationship with its mother and father.
Anything less, is a denial of their human rights.
exactly. they just want someone to love them who won’t leave.
They could try a kitten or puppy first. They can’t leave on their own, at least not very well.
And why on Earth is 18 years of age the “right time to give up on Mr. Right”? Have they fallen prey to the idiotic stereotype that “there are no good men left,” AKA the “Bridget Jones syndrome”? I remember it being said by Ally McBeal on the eponymous show:
“There are no good men. Now I read this article, and on average, there are two per state.”
And “I’m not that kind of girl”? You’re not one for being in a one-night stand, but you’ll do something far more permanent with a turkey baster?
People will do crazy things for even a false hope in a sea of hopelessness. People will ignore yet more hopeless messages (you are stupid, wrong, immoral, crazy, or need to suck it up) when they see even one ray of hope…. even if it is false….especially when the message is simple and clear. The same hopeful human drive that makes you (and me…heh.) believe that any actual good can come out of popping fantasies (‘edjucating’) will drive these girls to make this choice…evidence to the contrary be damned.
Please feel free to continue the usual blah, blah, blah; but I would like to ask people to spend some of the bandwidth they are using on clever venting of outrage to come up with a clever counter-vailing hopeful message.
How about this…change the law because its obvious we can’t hope to change the hopes dreams and desires of individuals.
My new idea is that change the Federal Long Form Certificate to specifically state that the child named is the genetic offspring of the people named as parents and that any fraudulent misrepresentation of the child’s genetic origin is a Federal Crime. The Federal Certificate should state that the name of the person for whom the Federal Certificate was issued and the names of the parents of that person may differ on State Birth Certificates given the laws of the State with regard to non-biological parentage due to marital presumption, assisted reproduction with donated eggs or sperm, adoption and defacto parentage.
State certificates should say the same thing, indicating that the legal name and legal parents of the person for whom the certificate is issued may differ from the Federal Birth Certificate if the person for whom the certificate is issued is not the offspring of one or both people named on the State Birth Certificate due to marital presumption, assisted reproduction with donated eggs or sperm, adoption or defacto parentage.
The State Birth Certificate should include a statement that the person for whom the certificate is issued may request their Federal Long Form Birth Certificate at any time from birth forward without restriction regardless of State laws prohibiting access to adoption or assisted reproduction records. State Certificates should also state that the person for whom the certificate is issued may request the long form certificates of any children, parents or siblings of the persons identified as genetically related parents on their long form Federal Certificate.
That allows genetic relatives to learn the identity of their immediate family members so that they are able to share important and possibly life saving health information even if the genetic parent does not wish to be in communication with his or her offspring.
That prevents people from being led to believe that they are the offspring of people named as their legal parents on State Certificates by including the same disclaimer on every State Certificate so that no family is specifically identified on the State Certificate as Non-biological.
That would obligate doctors to report the identity of gamete donors and the persons who purchased them. Any children born to the purchasers would be listed as the offspring of the donor on the federal certificate unless they had genetic testing proving otherwise.
That would allow DHS andCDC to have accurate birth statistics as the basis for research and to protect the public from the spread of disease and it would enable CDC to keep track of the number of offspring each individual has esp donors
Young women seeking sperm donors is just the direction we are going in society in general – its microwave meals and fast food…we cant wait for anything anymore.
I don’t see the hopeful message TO the 18 year old in your first message and the derision in the second is, in my opinion, more hurtful than helpful. Still, it is does make a good practical point. The Market (white, gray, or black) will provide fast fixes that can only be effectively answered with fixes that are more appealing to the person making the decision. Got any of those?
Honestly, even though I can see how 2nd parent adoption and birth certificate reform may help a bit at the margins, I think both are closer to process tweaks than panaceas in a practical sense. Everything I have read and personally experienced in the world of traditional adoptions and reunion makes me think that “better paperwork” solutions in some sense miss the point.
Hernan I guess I took your message to mean instead of slamming these girls for what they want come up with a constructive solution. Well unable to change what they want (a baby without emotional ties to the baby’s father) since people will do whatever they want anyway.
Women are afraid their fertility will expire before they meet Mr Right and frankly donated sperm is better than a woman banking her eggs where she cannot be sure that the egg she’ll get back is really her own, nor can she be sure the eggs she banks won’t be sold to other women without her permission. I can see why women in their 20′s might be ready to have a kid and men in their 20′s would not be ready. Its like society wants everyone to give birth between 30-32. 28 is too young but 34 is too old.
Find a way to make what they want less secretive earlier than 18 years post birth.
Look Hernan, I understand that record keeping is an administrative function that lacks emotional depth and understanding into the individual experience. Not every individual reacts the same way given the same situation so its in many ways kind of pointless to go round and round about whether or not secrecy harms kids etc.
Birth Certificate reform will do more than help at the margins it will ensure genetically accurate birth records are maintained by the Fed’s if not the States and it will make it possible for the people named on those certificates to get them if they want even if they are not 18 yet. It would make it possible for people to know and be known by their genetic relatives even if their genetic parent wanted nothing to do with them. It would make medical research serve the entire population better if it were based on genetically accurate records and it would help someone someplace start keeping track of how many kids these donors have cause really who cares if they are donors, they are people reproducing irresponsibly.
No reforming the way records are kept will not help people navigate their own emotions or the emotions of children they are raising, but it would ensure that all people were treated equally with regard to the information recorded about them, their family and their identities and would help all people have equal access to that information regardless of State law to the contrary.
And it would not undermine family forming in unique ways in the slightest. They could keep on keeping on. Just trying to meet in the middle, that I think is a very positive message.
Many a girl and young woman are coming of age and spending their lives in dysfunctional neighborhoods and regions where marriage-worthy men are few and far between. Many, if not most, of these guys are chronically unemployed, addicted, in prison etc. Even if they want to marry these girls see their chances as slim, and if they wait until marriage for motherhood they’ll probably never have children. 18 may seem young, but these girls’ mothers, aunts, and grandmas are not so young. And since they’re the ones these girls will rely on for childcare and support they’re better off having kids before Mom and Co. start breaking down in their 50s and 60s due to smoking, unhealthy diet, sedentary lifestyle etc. Having a kid at 18 won’t hinder a girl’s career prospects if (pre-baby) she finds high school too difficult get a diploma. If she don’t have a career that gives her life meaning and purpose kids are the only thing she can produce that will give her life meaning. And if she can’t rely on a husband for love and companionship her kids will be even more important to her because they’ll be her only family after the older generation passes. So, in their own way, these girls may be doing the best they can.