Co-Parenting Today

07.25.2011, 12:32 PM

So how did your mom and dad meet? At a sperm and egg mixer.

4 Responses to “Co-Parenting Today”

  1. Olivia says:

    Interesting link.

    I have say that I totally support this instead of the increasing use/acceptance of anonymous reproductive technologies, especially if it means a ‘mom’ (gay men using surrogates/egg donor) or ‘dad’ (lesbian and single women) won’t exist to the resulting child.

    This way – I figure – a kid has a ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ … they know and are being nurtured by their biological parents. I have felt incredibly conflicted over my feelings towards the ART business and my support of same-sex marriage. I see this as a solution that reconciles both.

    I suppose your concern is that ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ aren’t married? But if the child grows up seeing mom and dad in separate, stable relationships will that not be enough? My parents divorced when I was too young to ever remember them together and I think the negative effects of divorce stem when the break up happens when the child has known them together … creating a shattered world that becomes fragmented.

    Thoughts? Really curious what you think about this :)

  2. ki sarita says:

    I’m with you Olivia
    I only find it ironic that this is tabbed as “innovative”

  3. Hi Olivia — It’s a great question you ask and one I have spent a lot of time pondering. My book Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce argued that even “good” divorces in which parents don’t fight and do stay involved in their children’s lives requires children to grow up traveling between two different worlds, having to make sense alone of their parents’ different beliefs, values, and ways of living in a way that children with married parents are not as often required to do.

    My speculation is that these intentional “good divorce” scenarios — which is how I think of the sperm and egg mixer type set up — while certainly reflecting parents’ good intentions to actually stay involved in their child’s life (!), still requires a lot on the part of the child to know and be in relationship with each of them (and with whatever partners and other children may come into and out of each of those households).

    My forthcoming report, One Parent or Five, explores this question as well.

    I also reflected on the high emotional intelligence such scenarios would seem to require of children (some of whom can probably rise to the occasion, others of whom surely cannot) in this blog post where I reviewed COLAGE’s recent published donor insemination guide.

  4. ki sarita says:

    However Olivia, I am not sure that this is a solution for same sex marriage… seems like this scenario has a greater chance of success among singles, so that one party doesn’t end up being a resentful third wheel