I spent my weekend at Governor’s Island  performing at an art fair on the east bank. Yesterday I brought my boyfriend and his 5-year-old. My boyfriend is tall and fit. He could beat a lot of people up if he wanted to, though don’t confuse him for a jock- that’s not my style. He’s more of a tortured geek trapped in the body of a street fighter. When I go anywhere with him, I automatically feel safe. The cat calls cease, and I enjoy a peace that is impossible when I’m walking anywhere in Brooklyn alone.

When he’s not present and someone tries to pick me up, I have to make an awkward effort to explain that I’m taken. “Are you married?” they ask. “Well, no.” I say. “Then you’re not taken,” they say back. This kind of exchange happens regularly enough where it’s caused me to wonder about the magical possessive quality of marriage. The geek in me wondered how much time I would save every week in managing unwanted attention from men if I could just wave a bejeweled finger in their face.

At Governor’s Island I had another such exchange. My boyfriend and his son were standing only a few feet away from me when I was being approached for a phone number. “Um, my boyfriend is right there.” I said. “Does that kid belong to the two of you?” he asked. “No.” I said. “And you’re not married?” he asked. “No.” I said. “Well then why can’t I have your number?” he continued.

Curious. Apparently, marriage is significant in defining not just your relationship to your partner, but the kind of relationships and exchanges we have with a range of people- from strangers to acquaintances to close friends and colleagues. It can change how people look at you.

Categories: General

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