“Ain’t gonna have your baby til you take me down to the little white church!” blared the country music at the self-proclaimed “hick” night club we went to on Saturday with two young couples that we met here in Ohio. One couple just graduated high school, got pregnant a month after dating, and is now engaged. The other couple, ages 22 and 20, will be married next month, and they just found out they were pregnant Saturday morning. They had been trying for a few months now, and they are thrilled.
Carrie, the 22 year old expectant momma, was glowing, and gushed advice to me about trying to get pregnant, “Don’t worry about it if it doesn’t happen right away. Just have fun, and act like animals for a few months! That’s what we did!”
“Act like animals, and then before you know it there is another human!” David added with a smile. Â
 While they sipped their sodas, both young women talked about whether they’d have a girl or a boy and where to find the cheapest baby bedding—Target was a good option, they decided. Liz found some blue and lime green bedding there, that she figures is gender neutral enough to use for her future babies, too. They also proudly showed me the tattoos that they got in honor of their future children. Carrie has a depiction of Eeyore, with clouds and stars above his head. “And then once the baby is born, I’ll put the name and birthdate right here.” She points at a spot by Eeyore’s droopy ears. On her back, she has two tattoos in honor of each grandparent, and she has plans to get one with her fiance’s name and their wedding date.
 The song is still playing, and Liz turns to her fiance and teases, “I ain’t gonna have yer baby until you walk me down the aisle!” They laugh and then she adds, “Naw, I don’t want to get married yet.”
“Oh, when are you getting married?” I ask.
“Probably sometime next year, after the baby is born. I don’t want to be fat when I wear my dress,” Liz tells me. She already has her dress hanging in the closet—it’s white and outlined with camouflage fabric (she has a camo wedding ring, too!)—and she has to be able to fit in it. Liz is not the first woman I’ve talked to who has decided to wait for marriage until she loses her pregnancy weight.
It’s interesting that when marriage loses its connection with childbearing and becomes primarily about the ratification of a romantic relationship, weddings are celebrations to be postponed often until after the couple has arrived at some kind of goal: children, a home, or a desired weight.
Categories: Childbearing, Love & Marriage in Middle America, Marriage
I think “interesting” is the wrong word, and that trend is not benign. Separating marriage from conceiving not only results in more people having children before they have committed to each other, but it also results in people thinking that procreation rights are completely separate, independent rights from marriage, and therefore can be denied to married couples. That makes eugenics much more likely, and also depresses everyone.
FamilyScholars, DB and EM and also their associates at MarriageDebate, need to explain why they don’t support the Egg and Sperm Civil Union Compromise that affirms that marriage protects the couple’s right to procreate with their own genes. It not only would stop eugenics and preserve marriage and give federal recognition to CU’s that are defined as “marraige minus conception rights”, it’d send a strong message to everyone that marriage is conception rights and people don’t actually have a right to procreate until they marry. Instead, by rejecting it and claiming that pre-marital sex is out of the barn and unmarried procreation is out of the barn, they only contribute to more uncommitted couples having children.
a little extra fat ain’t so bad.
the trick is visiting a tanning salon.
enjoyed this article!